“He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”
Have you ever been so hungry it was all you could think about? When my family and I lived in Uzbekistan (2004-2005), I was hungry a lot. Going to the grocery store meant encountering rows of flour, tea, and oil. The meat counter was a pile of animal fat, sold by the kilo, and used to flavor whatever dish you were cooking. Fruits and vegetables were sold in season unless you wanted to pay a hefty price for them at the bazaar. Celery could easily cost $12 if you could find it.
There were no fast-food restaurants, fast, casual dining, and no ready-made dishes at the supermarket. Anytime you wanted to go out to eat, you knew you were in for a two-hour commitment. If you stayed in and made everything from scratch, you were in for a 2+ hour commitment. Since the country was predominately Muslim (there were pockets of Russian Orthodox and Russian Jews) pork was really hard to find. We were lucky enough to be able to special order 10-pound boxes of frozen bacon from the closest commissary and have it shipped to the embassy in Tashkent.
Oddly enough, there was a secret restaurant inside a house about a block from where we lived. If we called ahead of time and let them know when we were coming, they could get us nice, fat, juicy pork chops. Otherwise, we would place our order and then watch the waitress walk out the back door, go to the market down the street, and purchase all the necessary ingredients for dinner. We’d hold our breath hoping she would come back with the meat. I lost a lot of weight during the two years I lived there, partly because a lot of the food made me sick and partly because there wasn’t a lot of food to eat.
Now, I look back at that time and think, Is that how God wants me to be with his Word? Does he want me so hungry for him that without him as my sustenance I just wither away?
Absolutely.
Fast forward to Fall 2017. My family and I had returned to northern Virginia after 13 years of going back and forth overseas. I joined the flower guild and Kitty Hayes invited me to attend the Thursday morning Bible Study. I was lucky enough to be in the group led by Virginia Watson and Madelin Barratt. Being the youngest in the class, I soaked in the wisdom of the room. I remember thinking, Virginia Watson is one church lady I want to be. Every week she’d make one or two comments that would leave my mind racing. Since I wasn’t working during that period, I had a lot of extra time on my hands. She inspired me to use that time to dig into God’s Word.
Boy, did it feel like a lifeline. Before returning to the States, God led me through an 18-month period of spiritual starvation. After 11 years of hardship, I was broken. I’d let the world drag me down and wondered if my faith was still there, still enough. I questioned everything - my purpose, my identity as a Christian, my philosophy of life. God shoved everyone and everything out of the way. He got me alone with Him; he made me look him in the eye. It was really hard to see him through the tears.
When I finally got out of the desert, God fed me. He gave enough to give me strength without overdoing it or upsetting my system. I got stronger and he got more generous. He cleaned out a lot of the gunk I’d collected in my thinking, and he thawed the ice that had accumulated around my heart.
Present Day. There are many days when I feel full. God’s Word feeds me and replenishes me every morning. But, some days aren’t easy and by the end of it, I find myself asking the question, Why, Lord; why do I have to continue going through these hardships?
Deuteronomy 8:2-3 says, “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness … to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”
I must never forget. And, at the same time, I must be a slow learner. God continuously lets me go hungry to see if I will rely on him or upon myself. Do I forget who he is, what he has done? Do I forget I need him to get through life? Or, have I finally learned to live on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord?
Further along in the story, in Deuteronomy 16:3, after God has led his people out of the desert and they are ready to start their Feast, God says, “You shall eat no leavened bread with it. Seven days you shall eat it with unleavened bread, the bread of affliction—for you came out of the land of Egypt in haste—that all the days of your life you may remember the day when you came out of the land of Egypt.”
Why did God have them eat the unleavened bread of affliction while celebrating freedom? So they wouldn’t forget. It is what they ate as they left Egypt as weary slaves. And it is what they ate during their emancipation. Not only is it the bread of affliction, but it is also the bread of liberation.
In Jewish tradition, the transformation from affliction to liberation comes as a result of their willingness to share the bread with others. The thought is that if they are hungry and in need, they will keep the food for themselves. But the one who is willing to share has hope or at least the foundation from which hope is born. Centuries later, Jews still gather together to share and remember, to retell the story.
Photo: Decorated initial-word panel, ha lahma (the bread of affliction), 14th century. From the Haggadah for Passover. The Haggadah is the text recited during the Passover meal or “Seder,” including the story of the Hebrews’ exodus from Egypt.
Jesus knew the significance of this tradition and the importance of the transformation. So, in John 6:35, when Jesus says he is the Bread of Life, it comes across as an outrageous statement. Many Jews grumbled at him and many left him and his teaching because of it. The timing of his announcement came right after he fed a crowd of 5,000 with five loaves of barley and two fish, a demonstration that he will never leave them hungry. Even though they had witnessed Jesus’ many miracles and healings, it wasn’t enough. They quickly forgot who he was and what he’d done.
In the Gospel of Luke, chapter 22, Jesus gathers his 12 disciples for one last meal. He prepares them for his departure, foretelling of his betrayal and denial amongst them. Just hours before Jesus would be arrested, beaten, and nailed to the cross, he takes the unleavened bread - the bread of affliction - gives thanks, breaks it, shares it, and says, “Do this in Remembrance of Me.” Over the next three days, Jesus transforms the affliction of the world into freedom and eternal life. He is the Word made flesh, our daily bread, and our hope beyond the grave.
Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your son, Jesus Christ, to carry the affliction of the world to the Cross. Thank you that his death and resurrection transforms my affliction into freedom. Thank you for sending me through deserts and dark periods; for reminding me of your great love. This Lenten Season, Lord, help me to always remember who you are and what you’ve done for me. Give me an insatiable hunger for your Word so that I may always live the abundant life in your honor. In your precious and holy name, I pray. Amen.
Carla Gray is an active member of The Falls Church Anglican. Her pilgrimage with the church started 12 years ago, alongside her husband, Michael, and their two children, Thomas and Anna. She currently serves the congregation within the Healing and Prayer Ministry and the Flower Guild.